i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
