i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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