so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
