Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
