I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
