Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
