Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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