Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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