U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
