Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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