Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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