Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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