from now on my penis is your penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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