can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
