i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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