we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
