She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
