At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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