if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
