Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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