I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
