The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
