I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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