My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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