i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
