Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
