I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
