when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize