i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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