I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
