So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
