why didn't you poke me back
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
