I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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