it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
