Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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