he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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