u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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