This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
