he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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