Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
