who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
