There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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