I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
