i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am one with the molecules
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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