normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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