I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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