Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
