she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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