If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
