Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
