I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
