the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have tasted many bathrooms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
