he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
