Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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