i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
