I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
